Why Can’t I Sleep Without My Partner?

We all try to sleep better at night. We want a good night’s rest, and we know that getting enough sleep is the key to feeling well-rested throughout the day.

But sometimes our sleeping habits are so ingrained in us that it can be difficult for us to break them.

One such habit is sleeping with a partner.

For some people, sleeping with a partner is the only way they can fall asleep. They may have tried sleeping alone, but it just doesn’t work for them.

There are a few reasons why this might be the case. First, if you’re used to sleeping with someone, their presence can be comforting. It can make you feel safe and secure, and it can help you relax.

Second, sleeping with a partner can also provide physical comfort. If you’re used to someone being there to cuddle with, it can be difficult to adjust to sleeping alone.

If you’re someone who can’t sleep without a partner, it’s important to find ways to make sleeping alone more comfortable for you. Otherwise, you may find yourself struggling to get enough rest.

This post will take a deep-dive into all the reasons why you may find it difficult to sleep without your partner, and then look at some tips on how to make sure you can sleep better when they are away.

Why can’t you sleep without your partner?

Have you ever fallen asleep snuggled up next to your partner only to wake up in a panic because they’re not there? Or maybe you’ve been lying in bed for hours trying to drift off but you just can’t seem to get to sleep unless your partner is next to you. If so, you’re not alone. A lot of people have difficulty sleeping alone after sleeping with someone else for a long period of time. But why is that? Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why you might have trouble sleeping without your partner.

why can't I sleep without my partner
Why can’t I sleep without my partner?

1. Habit – You’re used to sleeping with someone else

If you’ve been sleeping with someone else for a long time, it’s only natural that you would get used to their presence. Maybe you like the feeling of being wrapped up in their arms or maybe you just enjoy having someone there to talk to before bed. Whatever the reason, it’s not uncommon to have grown accustomed to sleeping with another person. As a result, it can be tough to suddenly find yourself sleeping alone.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, chances are good that you’re used to sleeping with someone else. This means that when your partner isn’t there, your brain isn’t quite sure what to do. All of a sudden, it’s faced with complete silence and darkness, which can lead to difficulty falling asleep.

Another reason why you might have trouble sleeping without your partner is that you’re used to a certain sleep routine. For example, maybe you always watch television together before bed or cuddle for a few minutes before dozing off. When this routine is broken, it can lead to sleeplessness. 

You may also be interested in: Why do I feel sleepy around my partner?

2. You want physical contact

Physical touch is important for many people when it comes to falling asleep. If you’re used to sleeping with someone else, you may be used to the feeling of another person’s body against yours. This physical contact can be comforting and help you fall asleep more easily. When you’re trying to sleep alone, it can be difficult to recreate that feeling of physical contact, leading to restless nights.

3. You’re not used to the silence.

You may be used to falling asleep to the sound of another person’s breathing or even snoring! When you’re trying to sleep alone, the silence can be deafening, making it harder to fall asleep. In addition, many people find that they miss the sound of another person’s voice when they’re trying to sleep alone. The silence can be unsettling and make it difficult to drift off into dreamland.

4. You miss your partner

One of the most likely reasons we can’t sleep without our partner is because we simply miss them when they’re not with us. Sleeping is a time when we’re vulnerable and exposed, so it makes sense that we would want the people we love to be close to us during that time. Plus, studies have shown that people who sleep next to their partner tend to wake up less during the night, which suggests that we feel more secure when they’re near us. 

Another reason why you might have trouble sleeping without your partner is because sleeping with someone can actually improve your sleep quality. According to one study, couples who slept together reported feeling more rested than those who slept alone. The study found that couples who slept together also woke up less during the night and were better able to fall back asleep after being woken. So if you’re having trouble sleeping, snuggling up with your partner might actually be the best solution.

5. Hormones – Oxytocin

Oxytocin is known as the love hormone or ‘cuddle hormone’ because it’s released when we hug, touch, or sit close to someone we care about. This hormone has been linked to increased feelings of happiness, closeness, and attachment.

The release of oxytocin has a calming effect on the body, which can lead to drowsiness and improved sleep. In fact, one study found that oxytocin was effective in treating insomnia. The release of oxytocin can lead to increased feelings of calm and relaxation, making it easier to fall asleep.

So if you’re finding it difficult to sleep without your partner, it could be because you’re missing the release of oxytocin.

6. Anxiety

Many people struggle to sleep alone, and the reason might be anxiety. If you’re used to sleeping with someone else, the thought of sleeping alone can be anxiety-inducing. This is because sleeping alone can feel isolating and lonely. For some people, the thought of sleeping in complete silence and darkness can be overwhelming.

If you’re struggling to sleep without your partner, it’s important to understand that this is perfectly normal. Many people struggle to sleep alone, and there are a number of reasons why.

For some, it’s simply a habit—they’ve always slept with someone else and don’t know how to fall asleep any other way. For others, it might be fear—fear of the dark, fear of being alone, or even fear of being attacked. And then there are those who simply feel lonely when they’re by themselves. No matter what the reason, anxiety about sleeping alone is real and can have a major impact on your sleep quality.

7. Security

There are evolutionary reasons why we feel better when we sleep with a partner. Our ancestors slept in groups for safety from predators, and this sense of safety and security has carried over into modern times. Even though we are not likely to be attacked by predators in our homes, we still feel more secure when we have someone else there with us. 

This is especially true for women, who have been shown to have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol when they sleep with their partner beside them. This hormone is released in response to perceived threats and can make it difficult to fall and stay asleep. So, if you find yourself struggling to sleep without your partner, it may be due to an evolutionary need for security. 

If you find that you can’t sleep without your partner, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are suffering from anxiety or that you don’t feel safe in your own home. It could just mean that you feel more comfortable and secure when someone else is there with you. 

8. The Sound of Their Breathing

The sound of your partner’s breathing can actually be soothing and help you fall asleep. This is because the rhythm of their breathing can act as a white noise machine, drowning out any other sounds that might keep you awake.

If you live in a city or have a noisy neighbor, the sound of your partner’s breathing can be even more important in helping you fall asleep. The sound of their breathing can act as a barrier between you and the outside world, creating a sense of calm and relaxation.

9. They Keep You Warm

This one is pretty simple – sleeping with someone else keeps you warm. And being too cold or too hot can make it difficult to fall asleep.

If you often find yourself waking up in the middle of the night feeling cold, sleeping with a partner can help. Their body heat will help to keep you warm and their arms around you can act as an extra layer of blankets. This can lead to improved sleep and fewer nighttime wake-ups.

10. They Help You relax

For many people, sleeping with a partner is simply more relaxing. And when you’re relaxed, you’re more likely to fall asleep.

Read also: Sleep hygiene for couples

How to sleep alone:

If you find that you sleep worse when you are alone then there are several things you can do to get to sleep comfortably. Some of these can make a huge difference so it’s worth trying a few.

1. Use a body pillow

One way to help make up for the lack of your partner’s comforting presence is to use a body pillow. Body pillows come in different sizes and shapes, and are surprisingly effective at supporting a good night’s sleep. Here are some tips on how to choose and use a body pillow so you can get the best possible night’s sleep.

You can also try using your partner’s pillow as a body pillow by placing it next to you. This has the added benefit of making you feel closer to your partner and helping you to feel sleepy without them.

How to choose the right body pillow?

Body pillows come in different sizes and shapes, which can make it tricky to choose the right one. However, there are a few key factors you should keep in mind when selecting a body pillow. First, consider the size of your bed. If you have a queen-sized bed, you’ll need a smaller body pillow than someone who has a king-sized bed. Second, think about the loft, or how high off the ground you want your head to be while sleeping. Third, consider your sleeping position. Side-sleepers will want a longer and narrower pillow so they can hug it tight, while back-sleepers will want a shorter and wider pillow so they can put it between their knees. Lastly, think about what filling you want your body pillow to have. Pillows with synthetic fillings like polyester fiber are usually cheaper but tend to flatten over time, while pillows with natural fillings like down or wool are more expensive but will stay fluffier longer. 

How to use a body pillow?

Once you’ve selected the perfect body pillow for you, it’s time to start using it! There are three main ways to use a body pillow. First, you can use it as traditional head support by placing it under your head while you sleep on your side or back. Second, you can use it as knee support by placing it between your knees while you sleep on your side. This helps align your spine and hips and can reduce pain in these areas. Third, you can use it as tummy support by placing it under you and hugging it tight while you sleep on your stomach.

2. Try a weighted blanket

A weighted blanket is a type of blanket that is filled with materials such as heavy beads or plastic pellets. The added weight of the fill can provide both comfort and support, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. Weighted blankets are also thought to offer deep pressure stimulation, which is said to increase serotonin and reduce cortisol. The result? A feeling of calmness and relaxation that can help you get a good night’s rest.

In fact, a weighted blanket can also help if you have trouble sleeping next to someone who tosses and turns, as it can help people sleep more deeply and still.

The best part about weighted blankets is that they come in different sizes, weights, and colors to suit everyone’s needs. So whether you’re looking for a light blanket to drape over your body or a heavier one to cocoon yourself in, there’s sure to be a weighted blanket that’s perfect for you.

Read also: Can you use a weighted blanket as a side sleeper?

3. Change your sleep environment

If your bed is usually associated with your partner, it may be hard to relax and drift off to sleep without them there in the same bed. Consider switching up your sleeping arrangements for the night so you can feel more comfortable. This may mean sleeping in another room or on the couch. Just make sure wherever you end up sleeping is comfortable and dark so you can fall asleep easily. 

4. Take extra time to relax

If you find it difficult to fall asleep without your partner, try taking some extra time to relax before bed. This may mean taking a bath, reading a book, or spending some time winding down without screens. Putting some extra effort into relaxation can help your body and mind feel more at ease so you can fall asleep more easily.

5. Practice good sleep hygiene

Sleep hygiene is a set of habits and practices that are necessary for good sleeping habits. Just like personal hygiene, sleep hygiene refers to the things we do to clean up before bed and keep our sleeping environment free from distractions. Good sleep hygiene can help us get a full night’s rest and wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Here are some tips for practicing good sleep hygiene:

Create a bedtime routine:

A bedtime routine helps signal to your body that it’s time to wind down for the night. This can include taking a warm bath, reading a book, or doing some light stretching. You may also decide to drink a cup of herbal tea, such as chamomile tea, around an hour or so before bed. Stick to the same routine every night so that your body knows when it’s time to sleep.

Read also: Our guide on the best teas for sleep.

Turn off electronics:

The blue light emitted from electronic screens can interfere with our natural sleep patterns. Make sure to turn off all screens (including TVs, laptops, and phones) at least 30 minutes before bedtime. If you need an alarm clock, consider investing in a traditional one instead of using your phone. 

You can also use blue light blocking glasses if you are using electronic devices in the evening, to reduce the effect of the artificial light on your sleep.

Read also: Is it bad to have a TV in my bedroom?

Create a comfortable sleeping environment:

Your bedroom should be cool, dark, and quiet in order for you to get the best possible sleep. Consider investing in blackout curtains or an eye mask and earplugs if noise is an issue. Make sure your mattress and pillows are comfortable so that you can relax into a deep sleep. 

6. Say goodnight with a call or text

If you are missing your partner then one way of feeling less lonely is to simply ask them to call or message you before bed. This way you can say goodnight and feel connected to them even when they are not physically there.

7. Use a hot water bottle

If you find yourself wanting to cuddle your partner in bed then a hot water bottle can be a good stand-in. The heat from the bottle can provide some comfort and simulate the feeling of being close to someone else.

8. Use a sound machine

If you live in a noisy environment or have trouble sleeping in silence, try using a sound machine to help you drift off. There are many different options available, from white noise machines to ones that play calming nature sounds. Find the sound that works best for you and let it lull you to sleep.

9. Journal your worries

If you are worried about something, write it down so that you can dismiss it as irrational. Writing your worries down can help you to better manage and eliminate them from your mind. This way, you will be able to relax and fall asleep without your partner.

Read also: Sleeping together vs sleeping alone

Benefits of sleeping without your partner – it’s not all bad!

Don’t forget, there are also plenty of benefits to sleeping alone, so if your partner is away once in a while it may be good to focus on the positives.

1. More space

Sleeping without a partner means that you have the entire bed to yourself! This can be quite freeing and allow you to move around however you like without disturbing anyone.

Read also: How to stop sleeping diagonally.

2. Quiet

If your partner snores or tosses and turns a lot, then you may find that you sleep more soundly when they are not there. This can lead to a more rested and refreshed feeling in the morning.

3. Fewer distractions

When you’re trying to sleep, the last thing you want is someone else in bed with you who is keeping you awake. If your partner is a light sleeper then they may not be able to stay asleep if you move around too much. This can be frustrating for both of you and lead to a less restful night’s sleep.

4. Set up your bedroom your way

Sleeping without your partner also means that you can set up your bedroom exactly the way you want it. This includes everything from the position of the furniture to the type of sheets that you use. You can make your bedroom a true oasis for relaxation and rest.

5. Wake up when you choose

If you are used to sleeping with someone else then you may find that you have to wake up at the same time as them, even if you’re not ready. This can be very frustrating and make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep. When you’re sleeping alone, however, you can wake up when you want and start your day on your own schedule.

Read also: Why does sleeping feel so good?

Should I go to bed at the same time as my partner?

Should you go to bed at the same time as your partner? It’s a question that many couples face when trying to settle into a healthy and happy routine. The answer is not simple, as it depends on the unique needs of each individual and couple.

If both partners are able to manage their sleep schedule in a way that they can both go to bed at the same time, then doing so can be immensely beneficial! Going to bed together allows couples an uninterrupted period of relaxation and intimacy, which can lead to better communication and connection between partners. Furthermore, having a common bedtime simplifies the daily routine for couples. They know when they need to finish up chores or activities so that they have enough time to wind down before going to sleep. If one partner has difficulty falling asleep at night, having his/her partner nearby for support can be helpful in calming anxiety and allowing for a peaceful slumber.

On the other hand, if one partner has trouble adjusting their own schedule or naturally needs more sleep than the other, then it may be best for them to go to bed separately at different times. For example, if one person works long hours in a job requiring late nights or early mornings while his/her partner works regular hours throughout the day, then it may not be realistic for them both to go to bed together every night. In this case, it might make sense for one person to adjust their own schedule or even sleep in another room/bed so that they don’t disturb each other’s rest.

There is no right answer here; it really depends on what works best for each couple and their unique situation. If both partners feel comfortable with going to bed at the same time then great! There are many potential benefits associated with this arrangement that could bring couples closer together and improve overall well-being. However, if this isn’t feasible due to other commitments or differing sleep schedules then separate sleeping arrangements could still work just as well – although there may not be quite as much cuddling involved! Whichever approach you decide upon, just make sure that you discuss your preferences openly with your partner so you can come up with a sleeping plan that suits you both!

Is it normal to sleep in separate beds?

The question of sleeping in separate beds has become a hot topic in recent years. Many couples across the US are opting to sleep apart, leaving some people wondering if it is really a normal thing to do.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question as everyone’s individual preferences come into play. For some couples, sleeping separately can be beneficial for them and their relationship, while others may not find it necessary or beneficial at all.

That being said, according to one study, around 40% of US citizens sleep in separate beds. This number suggests that it isn’t so much an anomaly as it is an increasingly accepted practice among couples today.

Having separate beds can have many advantages for couples who choose to try it out. For example, sleeping in separate beds can give each partner more freedom and privacy within the relationship. It allows each person to move freely without having to worry about disturbing their partner’s sleep or comfort level. When freely able to sleep without interruption, both partners can get much better quality rest – which will result in improved physical and emotional well-being within the relationship overall.

In addition, sleeping in separate beds can help reduce stress and create a more relaxed atmosphere between partners. Tensions may arise when two individuals are sharing one bed; having two different beds allows both partners to feel comfortable and relaxed when trying to get a good night’s sleep.

Furthermore, sleeping separately also gives each partner the opportunity for more personal space during the night – something that may be especially important for individuals who value their own personal autonomy within their relationships. So those who are looking for a little extra “me time” might just find that sleeping apart can be helpful for this purpose too!

At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to whether or not you should sleep in separate beds with your significant other; what matters most is that both of you are comfortable with whatever decision you make as a couple! If you and your partner decide that sleeping separately works best for you both, then go ahead and give it a try – but if it doesn’t work out then don’t be afraid to go back to what was once comfortable and familiar before!

Conclusion: Why can’t I sleep without my partner?

There are a few main reasons why you can’t sleep without your partner:

First, the act of cuddling releases oxytocin, which is the “cuddle hormone” that helps us bond with others. This hormone has calming and relaxing effects, which can help you fall asleep.

Second, sleeping with someone else can help to lower your stress levels. When you’re stressed, your body releases the hormone cortisol, which can make it difficult to fall asleep. But when you’re sleeping with someone you trust, your stress levels are likely to be lower, which can help you fall asleep more easily.

And finally, sleeping with a partner can simply make you feel more comfortable and safe. This sense of comfort and safety can lead to improved sleep quality and fewer nighttime wake-ups.

If you find that you can’t sleep without your partner, it may be due to one or more of these reasons. But whatever the reason, there is no need to worry. We’ve given you plenty of tips on how to sleep soundly without your partner.