Sleeping Together vs. Sleeping Alone: Pros and Cons for Your Relationship

One of the biggest questions on every couple’s mind is whether to spend their nights cuddled up together or apart. While some couples find comfort in the proximity of their partner, others find themselves waking up with a sore neck and a lack of sleep. In this blog post, we’ll explore the pros and cons of sleeping together versus sleeping alone to help you make the best decision for your personal sleep habits.

Sleeping Together – Pros

Sleeping together has numerous benefits for couples. From strengthening emotional bonds to improving communication, sharing a bed with your partner can enhance your relationship in many ways.

Sleeping together vs sleeping alone
Sleeping together vs sleeping alone

Strengthened emotional bond

Cuddling up to your partner provides a sense of closeness that can’t be achieved through any other means. The physical touch that comes from sleeping together releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes intimacy and helps to deepen emotional connections. This bonding time can make couples feel more secure and committed to one another, allowing them to feel like a united team.

Improved communication

Sharing a bed with a partner can lead to intimate conversations, or “pillow talk,” which fosters open and honest communication. This is a great opportunity for both partners to discuss their day, their worries, and their hopes and dreams. Discussing problems and resolving conflicts before bedtime can reduce stress and improve sleep quality. It can also help couples to understand each other’s needs and perspectives, leading to a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

Better sleep quality

Believe it or not, sleeping with a partner has actually been shown to improve sleep quality! When you’re sleeping next to someone you love, your body produces less of the stress hormone cortisol, which can interfere with restful sleep. According to research, people who slept alone experienced more nighttime awakenings than those who slept with a partner. Sharing a bed with your partner can help you feel relaxed and comforted, which can lead to a better night’s sleep overall. Plus, waking up next to your loved one can set the tone for a happy and positive day ahead. The result is that most adults sleep better together than apart.

Enhanced intimacy

One of the most obvious benefits of sleeping together is the increased opportunity for physical connection and intimacy. When you sleep in the same bed with your partner, you’re more likely to experience spontaneous moments of passion throughout the night. This physical closeness can help keep the spark alive and maintain a satisfying physical relationship. Sleeping together can provide an opportunity to experiment and be more adventurous with your partner too. And of course, the cuddles are always a plus.

Safety and security

Another great reason to sleep together is the sense of safety and security it can provide. Sleeping next to your partner can reduce anxiety and stress, promoting better sleep. Sharing body heat during cold nights can be both practical and comforting. Your partner can act as a protector when you feel frightened, helping you to feel safe and secure.

Sleeping Together – Cons

Sharing a bed with your partner can be a comforting experience that brings you closer together. However, there are also some drawbacks to consider.

Sleep disturbances

One of the biggest cons of sleeping together is that sleep disturbances can affect both partners. Snoring or sleep apnea can cause disruptions for your partner, and restless leg syndrome or other movement disorders can also cause problems. This can lead to a lack of quality sleep, which can affect your health, mood, and energy levels.

Body heat and movement

Sleeping with a partner also means sharing a confined space and body heat. This can lead to tossing and turning throughout the night and waking up feeling hot and sweaty. Additionally, some people may be light sleepers and get disturbed every time their partner moves or changes position. These issues can lead to disrupted sleep, reduced quality of sleep, and an impact on your health and well-being.

Read also: Pros and cons of sleeping in a cold room.

Relationship strain

Lastly, sleeping together can sometimes put a strain on the relationship. If one person is constantly getting disturbed by the other’s sleep habits or snoring, it can create tension and frustration. Additionally, the lack of sleep can make individuals irritable and moody, leading to arguments and other problems in the relationship.

Different sleep schedules

Another potential issue with sharing a bed with a partner is having different sleep patterns. Couples may have different schedules or work shifts, making it difficult to sync sleep schedules. This can lead to sleep disruptions and relationship strain. For example, if one partner needs to wake up early for work, while the other is a night owl, it can put a strain on the relationship.

Decreased intimacy

While intimacy is often associated with sleeping together, it is not always the case. In fact, some couples may find that sleeping together actually decreases their intimacy. Over time, sleeping habits can lead to a lack of physical and emotional connection, which can put a strain on the relationship.

Different sleep environment preferences

A potential source of disagreement for couples sharing a bed is their varying sleep environment preferences. Room temperature, noise levels, and light can all affect sleep quality, and striking a suitable temperature or lighting balance can be nearly impossible with two people involved. For example, one may enjoy a cooler room to sleep in, while their partner prefers warmer temperature levels.

Limited personal space

Bed sharing can make it challenging to maintain personal space, which can affect your mental well-being. Some individuals need solitude and self-care time to recharge and maintain a healthy relationship. When two people share a bed, it can lead to a lack of privacy and personal space, which can make it difficult for each partner to feel comfortable and relaxed.

Read also: How can two people sleep in a twin bed?

Sleeping Alone – Pros

Getting a good night’s sleep is crucial for overall health and well-being, and one of the key factors in achieving this is a distraction-free sleep environment. Sleeping alone can be a great way to ensure uninterrupted sleep that can enhance energy levels and productivity throughout the day. 

Uninterrupted sleep

First and foremost, sleeping alone means fewer disturbances. Whether it’s a partner snoring, tossing and turning, or getting up to use the bathroom, having another person in bed with you can lead to interruptions in your sleep cycle. These disruptions can result in poor sleep quality, leaving you feeling tired and groggy throughout the day.

In fact, although many people report sleeping better when with their partner or spouse, sleep and health research suggests that objectively they actually sleep worse. By sleeping alone, you can reduce the likelihood of these disturbances and enjoy more uninterrupted rest.

Personalized sleep environment

Another benefit of sleeping alone is the ability to create a personalized sleep environment. When sharing a bed, it can be difficult to find a temperature, bedding, and lighting situation that works for both parties. By sleeping alone, you have complete control over your sleep space. This could mean using the perfect pillow, setting the thermostat to your ideal temperature, or investing in blackout curtains to keep your room dark and quiet. Customizing your sleep environment to your preferences can lead to more restful sleep and better overall well-being.

Increased energy levels

Sleeping alone can also lead to increased energy levels and productivity throughout the day. When we don’t get enough sleep or experience poor sleep quality, it can be difficult to focus and stay alert. By sleeping alone and improving the quality of our rest, we can ensure that we wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever the day has in store.

Independence and self-reliance:

Getting used to sleeping by yourself can help you develop healthy sleep habits and become more self-reliant. Instead of relying on your partner to provide comfort or help you fall asleep, you’ll learn how to soothe yourself and get the rest you need. This can ultimately lead to greater independence and self-confidence in other areas of your life as well.

Increased appreciation for shared moments:

When you spend time apart from your partner, it can make the moments you share together feel even more special. You’ll have more opportunities to practice mindfulness and be fully present in the moment when you do spend time together. This can strengthen your emotional connection and help you feel more grateful for the time you have together.

Sleeping Alone – Cons

Sleeping alone can have its cons, and it’s essential to consider whether it’s the best option for you and your partner.


Feelings of loneliness and isolation can be a significant concern for those sleeping alone. While some individuals may find comfort in their own company, others may find it challenging to sleep without a partner’s physical touch. This can lead to emotional distress and impact the overall quality of a relationship. If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, try incorporating self-care practices into your bedtime routine, such as reading a book or meditating, to help ease anxiety and promote relaxation.


Another negative aspect of sleeping alone is the misconceptions and stigma surrounding it. Society often promotes the idea that couples should sleep together, leading to many people feeling judged or misunderstood by others. However, it’s essential to remember that what works for one couple may not work for another. If you and your partner have different sleep schedules or simply prefer separate sleeping arrangements, it’s okay to make that choice without feeling guilty.

Impact intimacy

One of the most notable cons of sleeping alone is its impact on intimacy. Sleeping apart can make it more challenging to connect physically with your partner, and spontaneous moments of passion may become few and far between. Couples who sleep separately may need to actively schedule play time to ensure that they maintain enough physical intimacy.

Personal and shared spaces

Another challenge of sleeping alone is coordinating personal and shared spaces. When two people live together, it can be difficult to navigate personal space needs and boundaries. This is especially true when it comes to sleeping arrangements. It’s essential to have open communication with your partner about what you need and what your sleep preferences are. Otherwise, misunderstandings and feelings of neglect can arise.

Tips for Finding the Right Sleep Solution for Your Relationship

Open and honest communication

One of the most important steps in finding the right sleep solution for your relationship is open and honest communication. Discuss various topics such as your sleep preferences, habits, and concerns with your partner. Listen actively to your partner’s ideas, and be open to their needs just as you want them to listen to yours. With this communication, you can identify the factors causing discomfort, such as snoring or blanket hogging, and work on finding solutions that work for both of you.

Experimentation and flexibility

Another tip for finding the right sleep solution for your relationship is experimentation and flexibility. No one solution suits everyone, and you may have to try different sleeping arrangements, such as separate beds or rooms, to get a good night’s sleep. Alternatively, you may opt to alternate sleeping together and apart to adjust to different sleep patterns. It may take some time and experimentation, but ultimately the flexibility to try different setups will make it easier for both of you to find the perfect sleep solution.

Read our guide to sleep hygiene for couples for more information on how to get the perfect bedroom set up fo you both.

Seek professional help if needed

Finally, if you and your partner continue to struggle with getting a good night’s sleep, consider seeking professional help. Medical professionals or therapists can help you identify underlying health concerns, such as sleep apnea or insomnia, that could be affecting your sleep. With their support, you can explore various options, including medication or therapy, to improve sleep quality.

Conclusion: Sleeping Together Vs Sleeping Alone

Finding the perfect sleep arrangement can make all the difference in your relationship. You and your partner need to work together to develop a solution that works best for both of you. Whether it’s sharing a room, separate bedrooms, or something else entirely, communication is key. Once you find the right balance between spending time together and getting a good night’s rest, you’ll be able to extend more patience and understanding to each other during everyday life. Ultimately, balancing sleeping arrangements will help build a stronger bond with your loved one and ensure a healthier relationship overall. Good luck finding your ideal sleeping pattern, you got this!

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I get sleepy around my loved one?

Feeling sleepy around your loved one can be attributed to several factors. One possible reason is the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which can induce feelings of relaxation and contentment. Additionally, being with your partner might make you feel safe and secure, which could lead your body to enter a more relaxed state conducive to sleep.

Why can’t I sleep without my partner?

It’s common for some individuals to find it challenging to sleep without their partner. This may be due to a combination of factors, such as the comfort and security provided by their presence, the release of oxytocin, and the development of sleep habits associated with sharing a bed. Over time, your brain may associate your partner’s presence with sleep, making it difficult to fall asleep when they’re not around. To improve your ability to sleep independently, consider establishing a relaxing bedtime routine, using calming scents, or practicing mindfulness techniques.

Can cuddling improve sleep quality?

Cuddling in bed with your partner can have several benefits that may improve sleep quality. When you cuddle, your body releases oxytocin, which can help reduce stress levels, lower blood pressure, and promote relaxation. These factors contribute to a more restful sleep environment. However, it’s essential to balance the benefits of cuddling with the need for personal space and comfort. If cuddling is causing disruptions to your sleep, such as overheating or feeling cramped, consider adjusting your cuddling habits or using a body pillow for support.

How do I manage different sleep schedules in a relationship?

Managing different sleep schedules can be challenging but not impossible. Here are some tips for navigating this issue:

  • Communicate openly about your individual sleep needs and schedules.
  • Establish a routine for winding down and waking up that accommodates both partners.
  • Create a sleep environment that is conducive to rest, regardless of the time.
  • Consider using earplugs or a white noise machine to minimize disturbances for the partner who goes to bed earlier.
  • Schedule quality time together to maintain emotional and physical intimacy.

What if my partner snores or has sleep apnea? Can we still share a bed?

If your partner snores or has sleep apnea, it may be more challenging to share a bed, but there are some potential solutions:

  • Encourage your partner to seek medical advice to address the underlying issue.
  • Invest in a white noise machine or use earplugs to minimize the noise.
  • Consider using a separate bed or bedroom on particularly difficult nights.
  • Maintain open communication and work together to find the best sleep arrangement for both of you.

How can we maintain intimacy in our relationship if we sleep separately?

It’s essential to prioritize intimacy and connection, even if you’re sleeping separately. Here are some tips to keep the spark alive:

  • Schedule regular date nights or quality time together.
  • Create a routine for cuddling or physical touch before bedtime, even if you sleep in separate spaces.
  • Prioritize open and honest communication, sharing your feelings and needs.
  • Plan special occasions or surprise each other with romantic gestures.
  • Remember that intimacy isn’t solely physical – emotional connection and support are also crucial for a strong relationship.

Is it normal for couples to sleep in separate beds?

Yes, it’s normal for some couples to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms. The most important aspect of a healthy relationship is finding a sleep arrangement that meets both partners’ needs and preferences. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and what works for one couple may not work for another. If sleeping separately improves sleep quality and overall well-being, it can be a positive choice for a relationship.